Two Emotionless Cake Lovers
by herRhi-chan
Summary: Ulquiorra is about five minutes away from pointing his deadly finger at Grimmjow, but instead of showing emotion he goes to the human world. L is in his favorite bakery sampling confections when a near-copy of himself walks in.  I like L Ulquiorra


Ulquiorra decided to go to the despicable human world. These idiots he surrounded himself with were pissing him off, and he refused to give in to their stupidity. Luppi and his annoying presence, Grimmjow bugging him to go fight 'the Kurosaki brat' with him, and Gin and his pedophilic smile, plus the Batman comments from The Spoon! He was about three and a half minutes away from pointing at them!

He opened a rip in reality, the Garganta, leaving the realm of the idiots for a while. He'd go somewhere, definitely not Karakura, but somewhere…

L was quenching his sugar thirst at his favorite bakery. This was one of his favorite places to get his sugar quota for the day. The cake maker in the back had gotten used to his unusually large sugar intake the first day he came and ordered two cakes- a strawberry filled Genoise cake, and a layered raspberry chocolate iced cake- and then sat down and ate BOTH of them. Within an hour. After three days of the odd dark haired man coming in and ordering two huge cakes and scarfing them down, he got on a schedule of baking two special experimental cakes a day. L was a lucky man, not only did he get his cake, but he got all different flavors, experiments before the recipes were stored and used, but he got them for free because he was being used as a tester. This was one thing that made him smile. Just about the only thing…besides strawberries.

Currently, he was satiating his sugar lust with a pure strawberry cake- the cake's batter had liquefied strawberries in it, with sliced strawberries in sugar syrup, and it was smothered in strawberry icing with…a strawberry on top of it. he could feel the drool sliding down his chin, his eyes as wide as the cake.

"I hope it's to your liking, " the smiling man said, chuckling a little at the drool accumulating on his tester's cheek. He knew how much the panda-like man loved strawberries. He was pleased with himself when the raven haired man's head lulled back and a moan escaped his strawberry filled throat, and huge inky pupils dilating, making the iris a thin grey rim. That meant it was a win!

Ulquiorra looked around at the city surrounding him. The buildings were tall and industrial, skyscrapers and office buildings with a seemingly infinite amount of floors. He was unaffected by the sheer amount of people and buildings. He continued walking, at least fifty feet off the ground, to avoid having to look at these weak beings. The only reason he was here was because of the trash he put up with daily…sigh, if only Aizen-sama would allow me to destroy them all. All the buildings were the same, boring and emotionless, nothing making them speak out. Hovering around though, he spotted one building that stood out indefinitely. It had the nerve to be colored a pastel pink, compared to the standard grey or blue, its walls decorated withal different multilayered circles, and the windows displaying a food he knew to be called 'cake'. His single weakness, curiosity, made him intrigued by its uniqueness, drawing him closer and closer to it while he paced.

L was rewarding himself with three cakes today for finally putting an end to the Kira Case epidemic. Raito was of course guilty, his instincts were always right. The moment he let the college student touch the DeathNote they'd uncovered, murderous intent glowed red in those once…adorable brown eyes. The handwriting matched a sample taken from him earlier, and all of the names written on the pages matched the ones who'd died mysteriously. That, along with more heavy surveillance, discovering his god complexed, killing-addicted Yagami-kun, found him guilty, and in an insane asylum, soon to be on death row. He didn't want to believe it…not after all the things he thought were so perfect and beautiful in Raito, not after he found he had negative feelings towards Misa whenever she clutched the college student's arm so possessively and obsessively. The only satisfaction he had in closing the Kira case, was knowing she was on her way to prison and then death. And that was incredibly angry and sick, which he was not, for he was the three best detectives in the world. He was not criminal-minded. Unless he had to be. He remembered something strange about that black book though, when he touched it, not only could he see the shinigami, but afterwards he could see strange creatures with giant white masks in different shapes on them. He ignored it, concluding that his imagination was acting out due to boredom. Still, the thought of Raito at all spoiled the cake's delicious strawberry taste.

Clearing his mind of all emotions, leaving just pure strategizing, compulsive thinking, and complex problem solving abilities left, he eyed the second cake on the only table.

A mint ice-cream cake, with a layer of strawberry flavored sponge cake on top of it, with a dark chocolate icing smoothed over it. The combinations…were amazing. Three favorite things, his green mint ice-cream, strawberries and chocolate combined into one, actually great tasting cake- pure sugar coated bliss, with cherries on top and doused in syrup. Another satisfied smirk appeared on the young baker's face.

After filling out the mandatory 'comments card' and using great detail in describing how awesome the cake was, he was left alone to finish devouring his cakes. When he finished the Strawberry Bliss cakes, he could feel the pink icing smeared all over his face, and could see it on the ends of his long spiky black hair, so he attempting to lick it off, sticking out his little pink tongue in vain.

He heard the familiar jingling bell go off, and glanced at it to see if maybe Watari had decided to join him for lunch. Instead, the door looked like it had flung open by itself, but when he squinted he could see a shimmer, and then a figure came into focus, though no one else was looking in the direction, it seemed as if the man was invisible.

Ulquiorra had found the outside of the intriguing building different, and had time to waste, so he stepped inside. A foreign, but rather welcome and sweet, overpowering aroma startled his sense. The inside of the…'bakery?...I think' of the bakery was decorated with plain white walls, painted with little colored squares and circles. Clear glass shelves displayed pastel, brown, white, purple, blue, green, almost every color he'd ever heard of, colored confections and twisted pieces of dough with powdery white stuff sprinkled over it, and tons of other unidentifiable things. A single table was in the bakery, black wrought-iron curled design, with a single, but large arm chair facing the opposite direction. Curiosity once again gripped the normally stoic espada, and he wandered towards the chair, in which he knew someone was sitting.

L had a giant forkful of green pink and chocolate headed towards his pale lips, when the figure from the door stepped out from behind his giant chair.

He noted the clothes which were even more out of place than his own, the captivating emerald green eyes with their tear tracks underneath. Then he noticed something surprising, though he didn't show it. Both of them had the same stoic expression down perfect, they were both abnormally pale, though this man seemed to have him beat, and their hair was the same, shoulder length, raven black with a sheen to it, and off in all directions, though L knew he had him beat there. He caught this strange twin looking at his cake, and pulled the half eaten dish closer to him, narrowing his eyes.

Ulquiorra saw their similarities as well, thinking that if were human they might've been related. Though, the panda man sat oddly in his chair, with his jean clad knees drawn closely to his chest, his toes wriggling as he shoveled more of this 'cake' into his mouth, tongue swirling around the spoon.

"My. Cake"

Ulquiorra did not ask if he could see him, obviously he could if he was warning him not to touch his cake.

"I was not planning on coming between you and your…dessert. I was simply wondering what it was, and what this rather pleasant scent was."

L stared, for once bewildered. How could this poor deprived man not know the scent of cake? Hadn't he ever tasted it?

"Have you ever tasted cake before?"

"So it IS called cake." The arrancar said, silently pleased that he was correct.

L's jaw dropped- 'This man has never eaten cake!'

Having a single sharing gene in him, he cut off a small- and I mean small- bites size piece of the ice-cream cake, reaching his fork out to the green eyed man, who you could just see a question mark pop up on his head.

"Eat it!" he nearly yelled, shoving the fork at the emotionless man.

'Humans are incredibly stra- Oh my god this is amazing!' He'd never eaten anything from the human world before, and the sweetness was consuming, tangy fruit and a cooling intense flavor, combined with sweet addictive unfamiliar flavor that made him lose his expressionless mask

"This..this is cake?" he asked, reaching to dip the fork in again.

"Yes" L said, satisfied that he'd enlightened this deprived man to the ways of cake, and wanting his fork back now.

For once feeling an emotion, he reluctantly handed back this fork of wonders, continuing to watch this nameless person eat such a delight.

"What is your name?"

"Ryuuzaki" he said simply, heaving another fork(lift)ful into his mouth.

"You are lying"

Stunned a little at the man's intuition, but quickly recovered, "that may be so, but that is the name you are getting"

'Maybe, not all humans are trash…' Ulquiorra was very intrigued with this oddity of a man; he certainly was nothing like other humans. It was refreshing, in a way.

"What is yours?"

"Should I tell you? I don't see how that would be fair."

"Tsk. Fair enough, I'll just call you batman"

Screw that whole some humans are intriguing shit, "I'm not batman, Pandaman," He was not mad…no…furious was more so the word.

Feeling an unfamiliar pang of guilt at angering the man he just met, he offered another piece of his delicious cake, which was accepted 'unwillingly'. Now there was no more cake. L pouted, his lip jutting out, and he lowered his head, sulking because there was no more cake.

When the 'Ryuuzaki' before him went into that sulking mode and the pout, his mind told him the adjective to describe the look. Incredibly adorable. How odd to find a male adorable. But that was the only fitting description for the sulking panda man.

Satisfied, and starting to feel something again, he eyed the door, and started walking to it.

"Hey, where are you going?" -The now done pouting- L asked, gaining stares.

Getting no answer, he jumped up, tailing the more stoic man out the pastel door, falling backwards when he saw the nearly smirking man floating ten feet up.

Ulquiorra was pleased. For some reason he'd wanted to show off to 'Ryuuzaki' that he was unique in more then just looks.

"What are you?" L was for sure losing his mind…

"Well, judging by the fact you can see me, you must've seen shinigami before?"

"Sh-shi-SHINIGAMI?" he shrieked in his infamous way.

"Yes" perplexed by this type of reaction he continued, "well I am an arrancar, specifically an espada…and basically the enemy of shinigami."

A lot to process, even for his advanced mind. Some how he managed to keep his face near perfect.

"So, you are an arrancar…but you like cake, no?"

"I am interested in this sweet concoction. L nodded. He was used to the abnormal by now, after seeing Rem and Ryuk, both of whom seemed to have disappeared. They looked a lot alike, the spoke in near the same manner…plus he liked cake! They had so much in common already!

"Have you had anything besides cake? You don't have an apple fetish do you?"

Showing his slight amusement he raised an eyebrow answering, "No on both accounts"

"Well you are going to have some! Not the apple fetish, but lots of sugary things!" his eyes glittered as he thought of all the confections and sugar and…and…anything sweet that they could munch on, "cookies, ice-cream, candy…strawberry shortcake!"

Ulquiorra was a bit amused at how excitable this 'Ryuuzaki' was at the mention of sweets…if he had to describe it once again the word would be…cute, in a childlike way. He continued to study the panda like man for several moments. Yes, they were a lot alike, and he suddenly had an interest in human world sweets.

"Okay, I will try these…foods with you."

" They aren't foods! They are LIFE"  
For the first, possibly only time in his whole anime career a small barely visible sweat-drop appeared on the back of his head.

* * *

I think they are so kawaii! I've been looking for an LxUlqui ficfor ages. so i decided t owrite one, though I'm not sure if they're gonna get anywhere seeing as they're so...unemotional .o

Oh well, reviews? Should I continue?

Gimme ideas in reviews, babes!


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